There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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