I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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