so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
