Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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