it wasn't lemon gatorade
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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