Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
