Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
