I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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