I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So squirting runs in the family.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
