I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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