Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize