At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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