can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
