god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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