from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
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I think your dad took our porno
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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