I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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