How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
