Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
