My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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