Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
