I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize