meet me or not, i'm out of control
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize