I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
