i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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