walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
