Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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