my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
