So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
