Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
