She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
