why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
