Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
