i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
