I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
