you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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