You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize