I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
