I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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