with your own penis?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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