i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
