The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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