i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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