no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
