ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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