Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
