his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
