i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Shame - the story of my life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
