You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
