Duck Duck Cougar?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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