she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
