I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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