So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
