please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
