It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
