I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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