My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
