so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize