I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
