No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
