i think i have herpe
just one?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
