Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
