You're completely useless in the revolution.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
