Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
