Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
