I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
