You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
