I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
