sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
