if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
