Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He called his prostate his "boner button".
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
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