It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
