sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
