didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
