Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
