You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
