Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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