So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
