How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
